~á~ PAIN & BEAUTIFICATION~á~

[1.ShrillNight] [2. BEASTRETURN] [3. ~DiamondTears~] [4. SunFather][5. The Game] [6. Nothing] [7. Hear that] [8. Captain Lion] [9. Landblood] [10. GíMORNING SUN][11. Judgement] [12. Sure-as-hell] [13. Not The One] [14. Devils Isle][15. Satanist][16. JUNKIE] Back toPOEM INDEX Back to MAIN PAGE

ShrillNight in the middle of the night the robins song starts and startled...I sleep no more never does the song bode any ill harm but I am mesmerized scared.....and confused.... what wakes this creature in the night what brings him to break his very nature what beautiful or horrible thing brings the birds song in the night is the world unwrapping as we speak I slow my breath and I force my eyes closed and then just as I am about to drop off a shrill... that becomes quick chirping and happy morning talk looking out into the inky black, I wonder... sitting there eyes fixed on the glass unable to see or comprehend finally my bleary eyes open from a blink and the suns rays are burning them gently for all my knowledge and wonderment... for all my fears..and doubts.. the world did finish it's turning and the morning appears new...and correct never knowing my doubts..... mjmansfield 7-1-00 [back to top]

BEASTRETURN every time I think heís dead I feel the stillness and soon my peace is shattered With his mighty roar His silvery spikes jam through my head scraping out the last of sanity in a glorious haze of red the ache .... deep and long carving into me his spikes drive thru my Jaw appearing as fangs they exit thru my lips as my blood begins to thaw the mind it whirs and clicks...... Thinking long and slow of the sweet crime blood warming yet still thick did you know today you drew the short straw? the Beast swells up inside this human frame rises once more a peculiar grinning smile an angel bent for war every pain feeding this shell head screams, smiles fade as it falls into this hell the beast with in scraping at my soul My own fingers digging into this heap what is this that burns so cold from this pain, fury, is the natural leap so the animal lashes out and he grins... the more he hurts the more he grins after awhile he no longer can tell the difference what does it matter, he wonders slitting his forearms with the mighty claws he grins... what does it matter...... and slowly he lumbers off into the brightness of the day feeding time again the hunt is on MJMansfield 7-24-00 [back to top]

~DiamondTears~ disjointed isnít the word for this this game cannot be summed up in a word nor can it be denied itís strength by merely calling it a game this evil feeling it feels so natural I ingest light I send love.... and this ache this ache it grows I smooth my soul Kiss the cheeks of the ones I love and I loathe I loathe every breath they take they invade my space and my soul backs away into the long dark corridor of my heart it backs.. and it hides and it finds comfort it rolls again and again cocooned in itís sweet blanket of darkness this soul which thrives to reach out to those who need a kind touch reels about and cowers too many bright lights of many hues of darkness who are these beings which infiltrate my space? why donít they listen? leave me alone I LOVE YOU!!!!! ok?...... just leave me alone and the soul cries..... soft diamond light filled tears gently it cries..... by: MJMansfield 7-24-00 [back to top

SunFather Slow is the night which grows deep and dark quietly centuries later it seems it releases itís hold and feathers away into cold damp mist rising into the sky never does it give the space to the day no..Father sun must reclaim the day first strong beam after beam slowly pelting thru the sheets of mist like red hot rivets in steel slowly he grows and burns and there is no doubt he rules firmly until the night comes again he laughs as he rolls gently away burning even brighter than before as a last show of strength to remind the night he will come back instead of a single orb above he sets the entire horizon ablaze warning........ he will return MJMansfield 7-7-2000 [back to top]

The Game Put your fist on the table Put your mind on the street Put your fist on the table feel the pain so sweet The anger bound in me released.. released Now SET ME FREE as the sweat bleeds The furor seeps away not gonna see me here again not gonna take me there again not gonna sit or stand Not gonna Not Gonna. NOT GONNA BE YOUR MAN Your pawn Your Toy not gonna be there not going anymore The children laugh The Weak they play The strong they cower and the loud...silently pray.... As I join the game one player too many I take my turn Ignoring all the rules so today I start Slate wiped clean A new terror forms see the shaddow in the glass.... and why donít you, why donít you..... why donít you come and walk with me Put your hand in mine travel down this road Kick of your shoes Feel the gravel cut your Soul Put your fist on the table Put your mind on the street Put your fist on the table feel the pain so sweet MJMansfield 7-12-00 [back to top]

Nothing Eyes dark from lack of sleep suicide grin so full of life Pure thoughts of mischief a shallow pool that's so so deep Pulling his cloak tight 'round him keeping the fog of mystery under it his will glowing mind so bent it refuses to bend Running his fingers thru his long thick hair shaking out beams of light from his father the sun shaking his hands dropping of fragments of war from the tangles gifts from that same father Jupiter Smiling as if he never had a care A name for all things that mean nothing names of blankness never touching their source so he says nothing sitting and watching nothing the wonderful nothing that is full of life and love he places his warm hands over his eyes covering the dark circles he rests his heavy head and laughs smiles... cries... Itís been so long he canít even remember why he is tired He curls up knees under chin and he walks slowly out into the pool his eyes open wide staring out into the empty night morning and dew came and he never noticed and they passed him by night came.... and his eyes never lost focus he just kept walking mile after mile into that shallow pool no one saw him when he finally slipped under no one saw him when the eyes of fire finally closed when the Nothing finally reclaimed her son when the fire was swallowed by the water when they found him one cared and asked who he was... one says nobody... he ainít nothing just waste then.... just waste now .... by MJMansfield 7-30-00 [back to top]

Hear that did you hear that? Did you hear the child Cry? Did you hear it... Every time you bought into the lie.. Did you hear that.... That silent scream Did you hear it When you bought into the scene when you crippled your soul when you left the truth behind the dark creeping mold that you let grow inside Growing old, and nowhere left to hide Did you Hear that? as your life began to turn Did you hear it as your feet began to burn Did you hear it when the gates were opened wide Did you hear that? MJMansfield 12-13-99 [back to top]

Captain Lion we all wanna walk down in that valley of peace but no one wants to be the one that has to climb over the wall peering out from under oh what a twisted mane a wild man, a lion refused to be tamed a king of the gutter world a prince among the social elite Scraggly , low, common man a ship of gold floating upon the cesspool of life another reason for the knife to sink to the bone a million dollar smile revealed from under his weather worn face a glimmer of a greatness a sickness long long gone a small shine of what the man is and a great showing of what he used to be he laughs...throwing his mane back in the wind a cackle , or is that a howl, of a wounded beast? wind tossed ship upon this sea of life he runs a battered hand thru his mane snatching out hunks of the grand ocean he is the captain, sailing into the pool..... deep deep into humanity he drives his ship beaching it upon their shores MJMansfield 6-14-00 [back to top]

Landblood for every rain drop that fell was the life blood of my family.... day for ...day....for day... did we live urging the poor soil and barren animals praying that the blood of the land not pass us by but coat us in it's sheen the same as it's barren womb covered us with dust feeling like a john on a saturday night I ... force the land to give forth I bring blood from other sources and inseminate her with not a care for her well being My Mighty discs plow into her Year after year we venture into this union brought about by money and want we forget the needs and the love with out regard we tear into her dress burn away her grasses and plow in her natural beauty and yet we pray for the blood of the land we ask her to give more... mjm 6-27-2000 [back to top]-->

GíMORNING SUN The smell of wet grass Heating under the mornings sun The chill of the night Is so quickly burned away Eyes squinting Hand to face Sweet pain of overload Arms open wide Clinching eyelids tightly closed Head thrown back Spinning slowly Sending the nights darkness deeper into the ground Pulling sweet light deep into my soul I spin I spin Baking gently Rays pouring over my body Glowing inside and out Leaving spiraling trails thru the dewy grass Dancing so far away from here So far away Closer and closer to me I spin Closer to me Becoming Myself Losing, that, that wasnít me Expanding Bubbling Like a pot of liquid light I boil over under my Lord and Ladyís watchful eyes Gloriously alive Not even out of self spite Just Alive Happy even though the pains are still real I Live As I must Sprouting from the wet grass Growing to the light Once a weed Now I flower I weep tears of joy Tears that will water many new flowers A Flood of feelings and joys A sweet burn Under this gaze A Sweet burn The Fire of love coarses through my body Consuming Destroying Creating Growing And when it is done I simply AM ...... By: mjmansfield 7/3/99 [back to top]

Judgement I forgot the policies the reason the insanities donít remember your politics donít care about your writs this is the season this is the day from some where out of the norm some where left of the corn rising from the backwoods from the swamp and the runs a judgement calling with no trial here it comes a running getting wilder by the mile look up and see it coming open your eyes wide the rush the current the force a man standing still he smiles heís the object heís the force moving fast he refused to move Donít know your politics Donít know your laws or writs Donít care who you know donít care who heís done Donít know where Iím from Donít know where to go been standing here for ever running down your bone The dog it runs around chasing itís tail town to town broke free from your chains Never bow again No matter what ya think the new age wins again New Judge New Day Old law Old Pay Scrape the scum from my shoe Hunting down your kind Donít know your politics or your inbred writs Smiling fury..gleaming eyes..... Never moving.... never dies.... heís the object heís the force moving fast he refused to move one by one they face the court thatís the end ..last retort by: MJMansfield 8-11-00 [back to top]

Sure As Hell I ainít too sure about some things But a few I damn sure know ainít nothing here but me and you babe and there ainít no where else to go ~~~~ so hate me or love me thereís somethings you should know Iím loyal and unconditional I Lust..and I fight I love with a fury that out sparkles any starry night ~~~~ You can tell me no throw me out and refuse to know But Iíll never stop and the ache would only grow ~~~~ Iíll love you with no regrets or well worn threats Iíll Love You, And thatís one thing thatís forever If the walls come down The crops donít come The checks just bounce Iíll love you thereís no where else to go I Love you ~~~~ I ainít too sure about some things But a few I damn sure know ainít nothing here but me and you babe and there ainít no where else to go ~~~~ BY: MJMansfield 8-27-2000 [back to top]

Not The One You talk about about the damage done Iím not the one The songs of the sad and the pain Iím not the one The one who never could care never could share Iím not the one The one who couldnít believe the one you thought youíd decieve the one that needed you to breathe Iím not the one The puppets and dolls you string along The parties and contacts you brought along The games and the stories The future and glories Iím not the one ~~~ Iím not the one to stand idly by Iím not the one Iím not the one who made you cry Iím not the one ~~~ as you sit and you blame me you talk and you shame me your friends think itís all that Iíve done you cry and you blame me you wished you could tame me a toy to be brought along you talk and you shame me you wish you could name me but Iím as illusive as dawn ~~~ Iím not the one to stand idly by Iím not the one Iím not the one who made you cry Iím not the one ~~~ Iím not the one to debate you to curse your friends and berate you you wish I would fight so they could witness tonight but some how I slip through the net Itís funny to me that you donít know me yet after the days and the cold lonely nights all of your ways and all the fights You still havenít figured it out ~~~ all of your problems you place on me your fears and your worries you always claim me But you never see you and all of your insecurities night after night..dawn after dawn Long Long after I was gone Youíve never understood... it was never me ~~~ Iím not the one to stand idly by Iím not the one Iím not the one who made you cry Iím not the one ~~~ You talk about about the damage done Iím not the one The songs of the sad and the pain Iím not the one The one who never could care never could share Iím not the one The one who couldnít believe Iím not the one to stand idly by Iím not the one Iím not the one who made you cry Iím not the one Iím not the one to stand idly by Iím not the one Iím not the one who made you cry Iím not the one By MJMansfield 8-28-2000

Devils Isle Slit wrists and an angels smile She was dying since she walked teh aisle it was only...only a matter of time she died a little bit every day of her life she was never born to be a wife but they never knew sheíd pay to get out even if it meant her life She walked into the street hands wrapped in bags Mommies little girl didnít want to mess up the floor she sat at the bus stop hands under ger coat she smiled as the sun came but she never saw it go Such a pretty young thing such a battle scarred player no one saw the marks he left on her he never had to touch her but he never had to love her the church..the workers.. the family just smiled and she knew she had to go she just didnít know how so she walked out in the morning sat at the stop and finally she was free slit wrists and an angels smile.. a pretty little girl caught on the devils Isle she was never meant to be left here She couldnít leave her husband they wouldnít let her back so she smiled and packed her soul away she walked out to the bus stop now finally sheís going home she had ... slit wrists and an angels smile a pretty little girl left on the Devils Isle by: MJMansfield 9-4-2000 [back to top]

Satanist I met a satanist just the other day we growled at each other and we said "I don't believe in your god" he can't show the way we danced around our knives and we smiled a knowing smile we faced each other and we plainly denied... YOU we said... YOU... how can you believe and we laughed and dropped the blades and I said Hey come see he sat in my house we ate and watched TV when he left I knew for sure he was just like me..... I called to him as he left your god he's not real.... He laughed at me and said I know yours isn't be thankful that at least there's WE...... MJMansfield 9-4-2000 [back to top]

JUNKIE he sits there thinking....todays been a good day not too high not too low..Iíve done good... so he goes out with his friends... and within a few hours he knows heís in trouble not wanting to be obvious he slips away from them for a few minutes just a few greedy minutes to stop the shaking.....címon stop... it doesnít take long and heís flying again...the sweat slowing down címon he whispers.. a few more minutes...theyíll never know...címon... he closes his eyes..leans his head back and tries to breathe slow... Hey man?..he hears their call.... are you alright?? ....oh yeah he stammers head was hurting I had to take a break...Iíll be right there.... he dusts himself off... smooths out his clothes... and slips back into the main stream again........ Later in the night exhausted he comes home and crashes in the bed still he says with a weak smile...I did good today... the morning comes like a funeral... he wakes.... every muscle cramping his stomach churning....eyes hurting..... please just let me sleep he prays after a few minutes he realizes whatís wrong... crawls out of bed and stumbles to the kitchen... slowly he gets the needle ready... prepares his mixture... quickly itís over.... he looks down.... happy to see no blood... he quickly wipes the spot... and starts the long labor of getting dressed... hoping the stuff starts working before he gets to work..... ~to anyone who imagined a drug fiend~ just think that there are people you love that do this every day that are ashamed they get weak and sick people to who a quick fix of doughnut or orange juice is an embarassment.... that if they make a mistake a simple insulin shot is hard to prepare but their only way to get themselves better everyday you meet, live, and work with this junkie that never had a choice ****PEACE**** MJMansfield.... 7-9-00 [back to top]

Thanks for coming, be sure to email me at fireeagle@adelphia.net ALL CONTENT ©by MJMansfield/FEWDal Systems